I'm starting to get angsty. Beware.

I am a bad person. People don't want to talk to bad people. Maybe I should start being a good person. But I don't know what is good, and I can't be a good person because I am actually a bad person. I'm also not sure if I'd like to behave like a good person because people would be talking to the good person instead of talking to me. Perhaps, it's better than having no one to talk to. But of course, I would predict that once I have people to talk to, I would be greedy and want people to sincerely say things I want to hear.

But then, I can't blame anyone. Personally, I'm also not really interested in knowing about other people, and if I were to clock the amount of time I have spent talking to other people, it would probably be less than 5% of my time when I can talk coherently. How can I expect to know people like that? When I think about myself as one of the people in the environment, how can I expect other people in the environment to know me?

Sometimes I see people doing things for each other. I'm envious. Yet at the same time, I don't know what they have sacrificed for this. It seems that one can only take but don't give for a very limited period of time. I don't know if they are happy. They probably won't know if I'm happy either. I don't know who is happier, and I can never know, because once they becomes me and I become them, nothing would have changed at all.

I wonder if I want to be powerful. If I could become more powerful than anyone, there would be no one I can share the joy of being powerful with. But if there is someone else as powerful as me, I would inevitably want to compete with him, and some stress would arise from trying to keep up.

To think of it, the process of keeping up and competing is actually quite fun. Like, what good is a game if there are no adversaries? But it's also not a nice feeling if one is unable to keep up.

No... I don't like this feeling now. Oh noes. Nose. Sone. Snoe. Enos. Eson. Eons. Nsoe. Neos. Ones. Oens. Osen. Onse. Eosn. Seno. Soen. Sneo. Enso. Nseo. Oesn. Osne. Esno. Neso. Seon. That's 4!!