While I'm still in a good mood, I should send a message to my future self. Which might just turn out to be significant. Or serve as an important element to a plot. Or become a Deus ex Machina in a lousy story. Or whatever.

_________

Hi there. Everything's looking pretty fine here. I'm not sure what you're going through right now, but I tell'ya. Questions about who you are, what you will become, and all the emotions you are going through now? My guess is, I've probably thought about those and felt the same things before too. And even after going through all that, I'm still pretty fine! All those memories before 21, I have'em too, and I remember them better than you do. If you wanna angst about anything that happened before you were 21, I suppose I'm in a pretty good position to tell you that there is absolutely no objectively good reason to do so.

Then again, I'm not going through what you are going through, and there might be new light shed on the context of those memories, so you might be thinking "Yeh right this guy's talking through his hat." That might be true. But there are things that only I can help you with; that I and only I can tell you; that just doesn't sound the same coming from anyone else. Condition: no questions. So I talk, and you listen, okay? You can't argue back. MUAHAHAHA. Gosh I love this and I should probably do this more often.

There is usually no objectively good reason for you to feel sad or to feel happy. You can identify the source of the happiness or sadness, and try to savour the goodness or solve the problem. But if you can't solve the problem, you have to live with it. You could confide in people you trust - that might help you feel better, but there's no guarantee. Yeh that's kinda shitty, I know. But even when the situation looks bleak, it would either eventually turn out for the better or you learn to look at things differently. I might not have gone through the same things as you, but I have faith that you can go through this period of sadness and emerge as a stronger person. Although this kind of stuff is usually said by other people, but I think it might also be appropriate for me to say that it's not your achievements who define who you are. You and I are defined by how we feel, what we recall and what we do when things happen to us. So even if you are in really bad shape now, I will not look down on you.

If you are depressed, you might want to go and see a doctor. Take my word for it that your 21 year old self wouldn't look down on you for it. I'll give you financial support (though that's kinda like a given).

Oh, and all these while I've been assuming that I won't do well in the future! Actually, I think the future looks pretty good! So I'm quite confident that you're actually doing quite well. If that's the case, congrats! If you want to do me a favour though, you could tell me the TOTO combi for this Sunday! Then I wouldn't have to fret over financial aid. Oh wait, you can't talk to me. Damn.