It is strange, but sometimes I feel that my dreams do have a rather large effect on my life. Sometimes after I wake up, the way I think just changes.

In around May, I felt that I have suddenly lost something, and I don't know what it is. The way I think suddenly changed, and it felt like my IQ just dropped by like 10 points. It became difficult for me to consciously relate memories to my thoughts, and I find myself saying rather silly things.

This morning, it dawned on me that I can't remember my past in first person perspective. I would remember what I did in terms of the facts, how I reacted, and the words that went in my mind then in an attempt to describe how I felt, but I can no longer feel what I had seen or felt then. An attempt to relate the past to the present is no longer simply empathy with my past, but rather the recalling of hard facts of the past and synthesizing them with the current information. I'm not sure if you can understand how this feels like, but I'd suppose you can see that it makes thinking rather tedious for me.

It is useful to remember the past in the first person's perspective, and I didn't realize how helpful that was until I have, perhaps, lost it. For example, I could try to recall reading a particular page in a textbook, and the picture of the text could appear in my mind without any understanding involved. This helped a lot, because it gave me ample time to think over what I have learned but not really understood, without the hassle of referring to a textbook all the time.

I have wanted to say this for a long time. But no matter how I tried to put it, it just seems like angst, and yet it doesn't really feel like angst to myself. Now that I have finally found the words for it, I'm quite appeased, because I have a feeling that if I don't try to describe it in words, I'll eventually forget it. It is rather scary when your memories depend on how you describe the event in your mind.

Random thoughts:

If iron(III) thiocyanate is the same colour as blood, and the colour is only due to the inter transfer of 3d electrons in Fe­3+, does that imply that thiocyanate causes the same splitting of the 3d orbital energy levels of Fe3+ as the haem group and oxygen? That is rather strange, because iron(III) thiocyanate is symmetrical, but haem and oxygen bound to Fe3+ isn't.

Knowledge of microbiology is heavily dependent on culture.

I can't stand the thin guy on channel U's "Shoot 3". He always talks like he's on moral high ground, and his arguments are full of holes, assumptions, hasty generalizations and slippery slopes. You can't possibly be convinced by him if you already disagree with him, and if you already agree with him you would start wondering if you were right in thinking so.

I can't believe that the Singapore ARMY actually sponsors a mediacorp drama serial. Again, I can't bring myself to watch it because I don't know if what it says about the army is true.